Letting go

“It is not about what you want for yourself. It is about accepting and being grateful of what Allah wants for you”

There’s this thing I’ve wanted for over 2 years now. I’ve cried over it, I’ve been angry because I couldn’t get, I even became depressed because of how badly I wanted it but couldn’t get it.

I’ve tried multiple times to try and explain to myself why my dua for this one thing, I’ve been praying for, for over two years, wasn’t —I’ll use the phrase “responded to the way I wanted”

I’ve tried thinking of different scenarios in which that thing could be bad for me, but nothing was working. I just couldn’t understand why Allāh wasn’t answering my dua.

I had even tried convincing myself that maybe God’s answer to my prayer was “yes but just wait a little longer”. But I often found that my patience was running thin. I became impatient and annoyed with the fact that Allāh refused to give me this one thing I wanted more than anything, this thing that a lot of people had without even asking for it.

I cried till my heart ached. I gave up and buried this dream of mine and stopped thinking about it. I unintentionally/subconsciously distanced myself from Allāh and allowed the dunya to further deceive and delude me.

A few months ago something happened that made my dream resurface again.

Hope, that I might finally get what I’ve wanted for so long but as always it didn’t work out.

I cried again, begged Allāh, fasted & did everything I could possibly do, but still nothing worked, just like before.

However, there was something different this time. You see whilst I was still hopeful about getting that thing, I decided to work on my deen, So I started reading islamic self help books.

It was after I’d had my breakdown that I realised that I wanted that thing for the wrong reasons. I read somewhere that Allāh tests us to remove our love for the dunya, He ﷻ afflicts us so we’ll realise how worthless this dunya is, how unworthy it is of our time, love and tears.

I also realised that my obsession with this thing was very unhealthy and that I put it above my love for Allāh.

But today I am letting go of that thing. I free myself from that unhealthy obsession and I am putting all my trust in Allāh ﷻ and His plans for me. He ﷻ loves me and He  would never do anything that’ll hurt or harm me.

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Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu💕.

Its been a really lonnnnggg whiiiiiile. I’ve tried writing multiple times but I just couldn’t — blame it on the writer’s block I was experiencing.

How has everyone been? I hope you’ve all been good.

What have you guys been up to? I’m currently working on becoming a better muslim, in shaa Allāh.

P.S: if you have any islamic book/video/podcast recommendations, I would really love it if you shared it with me, and if you want me to recommend a few islamic books, I have a lot I want to share.

May Allāh make it easy for me & you and May Ar-rasheed continue to guide us to the right path. Ameen 🤲🏾.

Ma-Salaam 😘👋